Alignment Over Performance: What Tarot Taught Me About Boundaries and Choosing Myself

Blessings, beautiful souls —

One of the more recent boundaries I set was ensuring that weekends are for myself and my family, and that work doesn’t take priority over this chance to recharge, reconnect, and be present.

Sometimes that manifests as sleeping in a little later if my body calls for it, or putting client readings on the back burner until the following week. This morning, I woke up and debated diving in for a client who booked multiple readings, worried I was falling behind on my turnaround for them – and the clients booked on the horizon. I thought to myself, Is this abandoning my own boundary?

And right as I thought that, my son shouted out that he needed to go to the washroom – it was 4h45 and nighttime/early morning pees are not common for him.

This seemed to me like a little confirmation from the Universe about how precious time really is and how quickly I could lose this moment with me, myself, and I if I prioritize something beyond myself.

Because I do that often: I put myself and my desires on the back burner because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone; an example of this is that there is a festival not far from home today, the Witch Society Festival, the first esoteric festival of the region, and I am debating whether I should go based on how it might inconvenience my family to go to this event just for me.

That had me reflecting on something else – a bigger picture, if you will.

Am I accustomed to making myself the easiest person to inconvenience?

Before, I would start my mornings with a tarot pull and journaling about them. Lately, I have begun to dive into readings for clients first – once again, putting a moment to connect with my own Spirit on the back burner, saying to the Universe: my connection is not as important as serving. And yet I know how wrong this is! I also know how important that morning pull is for me, not only just from a ritualistic standpoint (a first chance to connect my heart and mind with Source after waking), but also because of how it illuminates my day by offering me a moment with myself – first.

This morning, when I asked if I should go to the festival, I pulled the Eight of Cups. At first, I thought this was a no, but then I looked a little deeper, beyond just the yes/no message of the card: the person on this card walks away from the foundation of their emotions in order to pursue something new, something illuminated by the light of the moon, something that calls to their subconscious. This person is putting themselves first – for once. The other synchronicity is that the first thing I noticed this morning was the intensity of the moon coming through my window, and then I pulled The Moon and Ace of Wands as my morning pull. The Eight of Cups says: Something about my established emotional pattern may need to be left behind in order to follow the Moon that calls to me…

As I was writing this, I was drawn to pull from my Seasons of the Witch: Mabon oracle deck and laughed out loud: 42 – Witches’ Gathering – Gather in power, come together in grace. Unity is rising and all will be embraced. “This card guides you to say yes to as many social invitations as possible. There are people who are very eager to meet you…”

Yesterday, I sent out a newsletter that spoke about listening when the Universe speaks, and not trying to push through discomfort to make other people happy. And because I prioritized getting this email out and channeling for the Collective (also in the linked newsletter if you scroll down), my morning tarot pull became an afternoon tarot check-in. I pulled The Lovers & 7 of Swords (Reversed) – which is an exceptionally odd pull because I don’t read reversed cards, and I genuinely have no idea how that card became reversed in my deck. These cards together literally say, Am I going to choose what is aligned with me, or what I believe will make me acceptable to everyone else?

The fact that the 7 of Swords was reversed pushes the message of: Stop trying to get away with betraying your own knowing. Come clean with yourself.

Literally everything – everything – circles back to reflecting on where I am choosing performance (and tying my worth to how I serve others) over Alignment.

If I am coming clean with myself, right this moment, I:

• Want to choose alignment over performance;
• Want to go to this festival, both out of curiosity and to connect with like-spirited folks and share my business cards in the process;
• Want to put myself first before my client readings, even if my kids might wake up and interrupt the session – throwing off my work;
• Want to stop knocking on doors where I don’t belong and start letting the spark find me (Ace of Wands, illuminated by the Moon);
• Want to surrender and spoil myself a little, choose myself first, dedicate time to my own practice, channel just for me (not necessarily for the Collective)
• Want to recognize that The Lovers calls me back into choosing Me first – I must love me before I can love the world.

I also want to mention that all these readings came from my Simplified Celestial Smith deck (despite the image that I got AI to generate for me – it’s hard to take photos in the dark) and I’m not just saying it because it’s my creation but this deck… the clarity, the honesty, the magic that happens with it is really unmatched. I have never had such clear – and intense – readings with a deck as I do with this one.

As I am continuously reminded to come back into [me] and meet [me] where I prioritize my joy and spiritual growth, WordPress decides to remind me that, eight years ago (eight!) I visited Annecy for the first time and wrote: “I could picture myself living in Annecy,” and, “I hope the people living here know how lucky they are.”

The Universe/God brings me back to that Universal lesson: live with grace, with gratitude, with intensity, and focused connection in the present. I have manifested so much beauty in my life, beyond what I could even dream. I manifested living in Annecy, just by holding the energy of gratitude and offering that sentence to the Universe. And now, am I willing to waste this magic by offering myself, my joys, my time as disposable? As worthless? As not a priority? As secondary to the comfort and joys and wants of everyone else? I am reminded: remember when you chose to fly, on a whim, simply because you could?

I do. And I feel that this is what the Universe is asking me to remember: I am allowed to choose myself simply because I can. I don’t need to earn an afternoon at a festival by finishing enough work first. I don’t need to justify an hour spent with my cards, my journal, or my own Spirit because I have already given enough to everyone else. I don’t need to make myself endlessly convenient in order to prove that I am a loving mother, wife, healer, channel, or human being. There is a difference between serving from love and disappearing into service.

And now the 8 of Cups becomes even more clear to me: I need to walk away from feeling that everyone else gets to live before I do. Eight years ago, I followed an inexplicable pull across an ocean and found myself standing in a place I would one day call home. I don’t need such an enormous leap of faith, today; I just need to stop sacrificing my joy and comfort with such ease and follow The Moon.

If you wish to support my work further, have a look at all my books, journals, and decks, available here. If you want to work with me as a spiritual healer or wish to have a tarot reading with me, check out my services through Seeking Celestial Grace and Awakened Little Souls.

xx C