The Illusion of Self: How Oneness Changed Everything

Blessings, beautiful souls —

I think I just had an epiphany.

I have been struggling to recognize my identity. It’s been a weight I’ve been carrying. I’ve been so lost because I didn’t know who I was anymore and – with that – what I needed to feel full, to feel whole, to feel like me. I have been desperately digging, grasping, searching for who I am at this stage in my life.

I was listening to an audiobook about the ego and identity, and how it thrives on knowing how it’s different. And here is my epiphany:

I don’t have an identity – because I am entering the Oneness.

I don’t know who I am because I have been trying to see myself as separate, and I am not separate from the Whole.

I am the Whole. I am a part of the Whole but also the Whole.

I don’t have an identity because the identity I have been trying to imagine is one that is separate, that defines me as singular. I am not singular. I am the Whole. I am one with the Whole, and I am the Whole. I am with the I Am. 

And since the Whole is essentially undefinable beyond: Love – and – Light – and – Joy, why am I trying to fit myself into boxes of Ego definition? Why am I trying to understand myself beyond: I am Love, I am Light, I am Joy? This is learned. It is projected by the world, by the Ego of the world: who are you, because that is why you matter. I’ve been trying to cater my identity to the external world when the internal world – The One – was calling me in, asking me to surrender to this knowing: shhhh, you are who you are.

I matter on my own terms, simply through existence. I am one with The Oneness. Therefore, I matter. Therefore, my identity is Oneness. 

My hands began burning when I had this realization, and it consumed me with emotion. I feel like I have finally figured it all out. I have been searching for myself in the circus mirrors of Ego when The One – God – has been reflecting Itself to me all along.

It is a mirage. There is no Self. I have been trying to separate myself from the Whole – the One – when the Whole was trying to call me in and let me forget the Ego, the body, that holds me down. What a fool I have been. What a fool! 

“Only through that point of nothingness can we enter the larger mind. As long as we are filled with ourselves, we can go no further.” – Thomas Merton

I felt stuck because I was trying to fill myself with The Self. 

And now I am WHOLE with this knowing.

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xx C