Blessings, beautiful souls —
Saturday. Saturn’s Day. My ruling planet as an Aquarius (one of two, as my modern ruler is Uranus). But Saturn has always been my favourite. The Karma Teacher. And today, Saturn told me to rest – I slept until 5h15 instead of getting up at my usual 4h. Granted, my daughter awoke at 2h and kept me awake for a while, tending to her need for comfort and security, hence the likely call to rest. But I don’t feel guilty about it. I spent the morning catering to me, my spirit, my need for slow and gentle. Since this is my planet’s day, perhaps I should make that my Saturn routine: no work, just play.
Saturn in retrograde means I have had no inspiration to write or create anything new – and that’s okay. That’s not where I am being asked to sit, to focus. And so I play. It is 7h as I write this, and it’s still pitch black outside. Autumn and its darkness are here. October came in with cooler weather, and I am so grateful.
This morning, for my morning pull, I felt giddy:
My day, and now my card – The Star. And the particular illustration for the Seasons of the Witch Autumn Tarot speaks so deeply to my heart. That is me, pouring from the Well of Me, feeding the celestial to the pools that may catch my waters. I am infinitely honoured and committed to filling this world with light – the light I carry within me. And it is the light that I carry into the darkness – as can be seen with the lantern in the second card, The Hermit. I am being called into myself at this moment (today? This weekend? This week ahead? This month? I suppose it will unfold accordingly), and I must trust in my ability to hold the light needed to illuminate what will be revealed to me in the process.
I must become still enough to notice what the Universe is trying to reveal to me, because it feels like a constant unraveling lately. The best way to describe it is through that old birthday party game, “Pass the Parcel.” I keep unwrapping layers, and I am both excited and anxious for when I will get to the final reveal. What sits within the gift, I wonder? Just last night, I had a strange dream about searching for Kabbalah truths and wisdom under a table, and this morning I uncovered a Kabbalah connection with an author whose book I just finished (I highly recommend this book, by the way: Agents of Chaos and Angels of Change – the Astrology of 2027). What other synchronicities will the Universe show me?
Sometimes I watch videos like this one and think to myself, Remember when your days looked like this too? Remember when you had endless time to fill and filled it with just your little hobbies and joys? Remember when you had endless time to decorate journal pages beautifully and sit silently with your creative self? And remember when you didn’t realize “free time” was a privilege and not a right, and you took it for granted?
But I also know that one day (in two years), I will have all that time again, and I won’t know what to do with myself. Because along with the free time to pursue hobbies came the feeling that I wasn’t doing enough, wasn’t living a life with enough meaning, and wasn’t contributing enough to my family/home. Balance. That is how life works.
So, for now, while I can think about how I wish I had the time, I am also reminding myself that when I did have the time, I had so much that I didn’t know what to do with myself. I know that now, every day when I do not find that time, it is because I am dedicating myself to the growth of little souls. And that is far more important and far more earth-altering than sitting at a table to journal. (Though, of course, I think it is important to mention: journaling does make me feel very much like the best version of myself, so there is nothing wrong to trying to make or find time to do this, too. I am not just mother.)
10 years ago, I wrote a blog entry about inspiring spaces and posted this photo of my desk:
How much has changed in ten years… I manifested all I surrounded myself with — and more. My room was a living vision board, and my energy was focused, tunneled, working hard.
I manifested Paris. I manifested Divine love. I manifested family. I manifested living in a place that inspires in Autumn. I manifested a vintage-filled life (living in a home that’s over 100 years old in a country where there is history everywhere you look – just yesterday, I drove by a castle on the way to a medical clinic — a CASTLE). Those Tibetan prayer flags hanging on my window; my home is covered in them. Even my chicken coop has prayer flags. I am just a few hours away from the place where that engagement photo of my grandparents was likely taken. I don’t stare at a neighbours brick wall when I work – I stare out into my beautiful backyard that looks onto a trail leading to a forest with an ever-expansive stream. Even the mugs I am drinking from are more magical.
So, while I may have less time for play, I manifested this. I brought all this joy – this new joy, this joy painted with a different brush, this exhausting joy, this beautiful, love-filled fulfillment that doesn’t let me have a lot of time to just be me, but which allows me to be the best version of me – into my life. I will not take it for granted. I will not wish it away just to have “more free time.” The Universe may have captured my time with all I manifested, but it gave me something so much better. Balance.
My daughter stirs in her bed. Perhaps this is where I end things, for the day. I am excited about where this Saturn-day may lead me (there is a crystal show on this weekend, too!). I allow it to unfold, Divinely. I welcome the busy-ness. I am grateful that less play comes with this incredible love.
The sun has risen by the time I finished this. What a beautiful day that awaits me to meet it.
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xx C
