Blessings, beautiful souls —
August 23rd 2018 – Eight years ago, on this date, I took the leap like The Fool and moved to Paris.
How my life has transformed since that date – a date I didn’t even solidify in my memory, it just came up as a WordPress memory. I’m not really sentimental in that way (dates always fail me), but clearly the Universe is showing this to me for a reason.
Especially as I sit on a precipice of change and of healing, especially as I navigate communicating with my inner child and telling her she is safe and loved, and considering that just shortly after, on September 1st, 2018, I had my first clairaudient experience and was told my life purpose: “My soul-purpose is to write. To write in a way that inspires others to make changes in their lives. To write about truth and to write about Light. So that others may be inspired to follow their dreams, that direction always be[ing] towards the light. I must be a guide, a beacon of Truth, a coach of Light and Love.”
There is a full-circle lesson here, a true reminder from my Higher Self through all I am navigating: keep writing Truth, keep speaking Truth, continue to reclaim your voice, keep focused on the Light, continue to inspire others to change their lives. Most importantly, to keep speaking to my inner child and letting her know she is a good person as she authentically is, she is valued, she is believed, and her feelings matter.
It also seems quite odd that, tomorrow, by pure chance, I return to the city that changed my life: only, this time, with two children in tow. We are going to Disneyland Paris for a family vacation, and are building new memories together in a place of pure magic, wonder, and joy. Disneyland is the dream city of children, just as Paris was my dream city since 2010, my first visit, 16 years ago. Now, I get to share that magic with my chosen family, my foundation, my heart-joys. I get to see their faces light up as they experience something that always healed and filled up my own inner child with a sense of safety and love. I get to experience a piece of Paris through them; I get to witness the city that transformed my life in a new way. A full-circle moment.
And with that, my Seasons of the Witch: Mabon oracle arrived in the mail, and I’ve decided to do a deck interview to get closer to this deck. It is a fitting beginning as I sit on a new beginning, eight years after the bravest and most importat choice I ever made, and as I continue to make brave and important choices that, though difficult and emotionally challenging, continue to help me define my life in a way that brings me the most peace and joy.
Why have you come into my life at this point? – 30. Pumpkin space and apple cider
Of course, because there are no coincidences in life, this card reads: Nothing is more nostalgic than the joy of belonging in your own presence. The guidebook reads, “Your higher self chose this card because there are hints from your past that hold the answer to your future. […] [This card] guides you to return to the past when you’re searching for clues to your next steps. What did you enjoy doing as a child?”
Immediately, this deck has messages that are relevant to me at this point in my life. Immediately, I can recognize why this deck returned to me. As I continue to revisit pieces of myself from my past under a new and transformed lens of my present existence, as I work with my inner child and make her feel safe, I do find myself called back with curiosity to what once fulfilled me and brought me joy, and with that, I am drawn to learning how to reintegrate these practices into my life in a new way. This deck tells me: I will help make that process easier for you; trust that your wisdom from the past will help serve this present you. I am not being asked to become my younger self again; I am being asked to listen to her, to remember what made her feel alive, and to bring those pieces of her forward with me.
How will we work together? – 32. Reaper
The imagery on this card doesn’t appeal to me, but the message of the Death card in the Tarot always does – and this card is no different. The guidebook says, “Your higher self chose this card because sometimes life is cruel and doesn’t give you time to prepare for the end of something meaningful. Even if you saw the signs and knew it was coming, it can still feel like an unexpected shock when you reach the end of the road. […] It may not seem like it, but this card appearing in your spread represents the beginning of a much better life.”
It then continues by saying exactly how we will work together: this deck will help me be rid of anything in my life that does not serve me or held me back, that muted my authenticity or made me feel small. This deck will bring me steps closer to the evolution my soul is longing for. The person I am becoming requires clearing of weeds. First, the deck asks me to look backward and remember what brought me joy. Then it gives me the Reaper and asks me to clear away everything that prevented that authentic self from having room to exist.
How will you challenge me? – 38. Tea magick
The guidebook states, “Tea magick will visit you when there is a hard truth that needs to be heard and you’re experiencing some kind of denial.” This deck will not let me get away with softening, muting, or silencing Truth; it will force me to face them head-on, to stop avoiding what I need to deal with, to not sweep under the rug or ignore it or it will only make my situation worse. The guidebook continues, “Before you can face the monster you need to acknowledge that it’s real.”
I have spent enough of my life learning how to make myself smaller, softer, quieter, or easier to understand for other people. If this deck is going to challenge me, I suspect it will challenge me to tell the truth even when the truth is uncomfortable, inconvenient, or difficult for someone else to hear.
What do you think about me? – 4. Breathwork
This deck believes that I am, “[…] as limitless and expansive as the air [I’m] breathing right now, yet [I] haven’t given [myself] the space to explore all of my desires.” and asks me, “What could happen if you did what made you happy versus what you’re expected to do?” The deck believes that I haven’t given myself enough space to wonder what I could be and that there’s no right or wrong answer; life can be a trial period until I better understand who, where, what I want to be – and what it takes to get there. This card feels very aligned with the Fool energy that I mentioned at the start of this post.
How will our journey begin with one another? – 5. Cacao
This one made me emotional, because I began this post saying that I would be telling my inner child that she is loved and she is enough, and this deck begins this journey with me with the same words: You are loved, you are held and you are already everything you seek. I longed to make my inner child feel safe, and this deck began our work together saying, I will help you feel safe, right now.
The guidebook says, “[…] when this card appears it’s a message from spirit acknowledging any emotional hurt and pain you have felt. […] cacao reminds you that it is safe to open your heart again. […] This card is also a reminder that yo uare worthy of being loved. You are not broken […] you are a good, kind-hearted, gentle soul whose light is needed in the world. Please don’t allow anyone’s poor treatment to prevent you from letting others experience your light.” I didn’t need this deck to prove anything to me, but I did need the reminder – so it reminded me.
An almost word-for-word confirmation and affirmation of the reminders I wrote to myself. I got full-body chills, and I can safely say that my bond with this deck is felt and is established in my heart-center.
These decks lately are… wow. They’ve entered into my life with perfect timing and meant to be a part of my practice. I am so moved that my return to passionate practice of working with tarot and oracle decks is being acknowledged by the Universe, by God, with the gift of decks that speak so deeply to my spirit at this moment in time.
Finally, I asked this new deck: As I sit on this date, eight years later, this new precipice of my Awakening, what advice would best serve me? – 36. St. John’s wort and marigold
The guidebook states, “Your higher self chose this card because there are some negative energies swirling around you that are affecting your spiritual well-being. […] It’s important to hold space for the people you love and care about by listening and supporting them through tough times, but when a relationship becomes toxic you may need to take extra steps to support your energy.”
This is especially fitting as I navigate boundaries, prioritize being heard, my spiritual, emotional, and mental peace, and come to better understand the discernment I require at this stage in my journey.
And so, eight years after taking that first leap to Paris, I find myself standing at another threshold of my spirit. The [younger] woman who arrived in France in 2018 could never have imagined the life she was beginning to build, and now I return to Paris with the family I created, carrying everything I have learned along the way – and an ongoing hope to continue to grow, learn, and be better.
I came to France to find my life, to follow a dream and uncover who I truly was. Today, I am learning to fully inhabit it, with my voice, my Truth, my joy, my boundaries, and the little girl within me who deserves to know that she is safe, loved, believed, and worthy of taking up space.
I worked hard to create this beautiful life for myself, and I will continue to work hard to ensure it stays joyful, peaceful, and beautiful for myself – and now my husband and children, as well. Eight years after taking my first leap into a new life, I find myself being reminded of what I came here to learn, reclaim, and become.
Post Scriptum: On September 4th 2018, I wrote this: “I just want to be authentically me, truly me, made of stardust and sparkling for all to see. I want to step outside the box, I want to do what makes me happiest, I want to live comfortably but love each moment, not waste each moment, enjoy each moment, worship every moment. I want to find a way to make writing my living. I want to manifest it. I want others to read my work and say, “This changed my life.” I want to change lives in a positive way. I want to help others see their own Light, so that they can move others, as well.
As a teacher, I was told I changed lives. But now I want to inflict change in a new way. I want to reach new people. I want to be important to someone, but in their heart, not in some grandiose fashion. I don’t want fame. Fortune and abundance I would like so that I can write without worry. But I want to do this for me, but for others too… Ah, I’m babbling, goodnight… “
I am learning to continue to be authentically me. I am learning to sparkle – even if it hurts the eyes of others watching. I am doing what makes me happiest, loving each moment. I am learning not to waste each moment. I am changing lives. I am writing for a living. I am important to three people, in particular – important in their hearts. I am doing this all for me, and for others – because it brings me joy to serve, to heal… Claudia of 2018: I am doing it all. All you wished, all you wrote, all you wanted to manifest – you have it now.
P P S: An earlier version of this post said “seven” years – it’s eight! Early morning math…
If you wish to support my work further, have a look at all my books, journals, and decks, available here. If you want to work with me as a spiritual healer, check out my services through Seeking Celestial Grace and Awakened Little Souls. I am offering limited spots each month for my Year Ahead Tarot Reading. And: What if the wisdom you need could be found in the spirit of flowers – in a 78-card oracle deck? Have a look at fleurs célestes – a Flower Essence Oracle & Tarot Deck created by yours truly.
xx C
lifeofcloud 