Blessings, beautiful souls —
The past few days, I have been working with the deck from my childhood – The Tarot by Johnathon Dee. It’s been sitting in my downstairs workspace; I’ve cleansed the deck, and I have been drawn to pulling from it at random times during the day. It is a pip deck, which means the minors are not illustrated, but, having them rather memorized (and having also been familiar with this deck from my youth), it still reads very clearly. Unfortunately – and as I remember from the past – this is not a warm and cuddly deck. It says things rather plainly and rather intensely.
Two cards emerged for me this morning: Death and the Wheel of Fortune. Those who know tarot know these are two big cards speaking to transition, to change, to surrender.
Death is not a card I fear. It’s a card I know well. It’s a card that invites me to let go of what no longer serves me, what holds me back from stepping into my authentic (and peaceful) self, what chapter needs to be shut so that I can rise from the ashes into a new me. Death signifies when something has run its course, and it’s particularly fitting right now.
And the Wheel of Fortune is not (always) a symbol of luck and chance, but a reminder that the wheel of life keeps turning, karma keeps closing, cycles will continue – even if you try to resist them.
Paired together, the message is clear: let the wheel of life turn, let doors and connections that no longer serve close behind you, rise – rebirth – into a new reality, a new you, a new life.
Nothing about this reading speaks of control, only surrender. I have no control over how the rest of this unfolds; I only need to trust that it is unfolding as it should.
These are changes that are sure to disturb the external world; changes that will stir and make a ruckus when people believe they have a right to be involved in the reality I am forming. But I have reached the point in my karmic wheel where that no longer concerns me, and catering to the emotional needs of others is no longer my focus or priority.
I did not choose to live this life to make other people happy, and the work I am doing in this life requires me to make some people unhappy in the process. Because what I require more than anything to continue down this path is peace, and anything or anyone who prevents me from sitting in the stillness of peace needs to be removed from the path entirely.
While this may be disappointing for many, protecting my peace ultimately protects the peace of my entire family unit, and they are better off when we are in that vibration of peace — as a whole. The choice may not immediately be evident as the best one, but long-term the influence will certainly be felt. I simply cannot let other people’s emotional chaos ripple into my life. I can forgive and hold boundaries.
This may sound like it is all external from me – and as though it is not a reflection of my reading at all – but it is an internal realization that will require a full and complete transformation of who I am, the path I am walking, and who is allowed to walk it with me.
And there is another layer to this reading that feels almost too synchronistic to ignore. I am working with the tarot deck I knew in my youth at the exact time in my life when I am reclaiming the voice I lost as a child. That feels significant. There is something deeply poetic about returning to this deck now. It belonged to a younger version of me – a version of me who was still learning how to navigate the world, still learning when to speak, when to stay quiet, what was safe to express, and how much space she was allowed to take up.
And now, 26 years later, I am sitting with the same cards and asking myself entirely different questions. Who am I when I stop silencing myself? Who am I when I stop making my choices according to how they will be received by other people? Who am I when I free myself from emotional entrapment, manipulation, and mental control? This is Death: the Death of the Claudia who lived for the approval and emotional comfort of others, who felt guilty for existing as she was, who was made to feel small for speaking.
And then comes The Wheel, where I karmically reclaim what has been stolen from me – without feeling guilty for stepping into my strength, for building my boundaries. I am reclaiming the right to decide what my life looks like, who has access to it, and what kind of energy I allow into the home and family I have created.
My childhood deck is not bringing me back to that small version of me; it is giving that little Claudia her voice back, the voice that was stolen from her, and the voice that was continually criticized for existing – as it was, as it is.
The old Claudia? Dead and gone.
The new Claudia? Standing strong in the existence of who I am.
And life moves on, the world continues to turn…
If you wish to support my work further, have a look at all my books, journals, and decks, available here. If you want to work with me as a spiritual healer, check out my services through Seeking Celestial Grace and Awakened Little Souls. And: What if the wisdom you need could be found in the spirit of flowers – in a 78-card oracle deck? Have a look at fleurs célestes – a Flower Essence Oracle & Tarot Deck created by yours truly.
xx C
lifeofcloud 