Blessings, beautiful souls —
May is nuts. What is this month? What is happening? The Ascension upgrades all occurring one after another are, in a word, exhausting. I am looking forward to when it all shifts and moves into the drive stage, as mentioned in this energy update video by Lee Harris:
I am, without question, disoriented. I am processing this physically through mental clearing and through physical clearing (sick as a damn dog). And, as Harris mentions, there have been moments where I feel I am walking around (or driving around), but I don’t feel really here. Past experiences are arising very unexpectedly, and I’m meeting a lot of people from my past in dreams. And I do, at this moment, feel as though I am taking two steps back before taking two steps forward. I know it’s intentional (a reevaluation of what is considered progress, thus far, and an Alignment for the Highest Good).
But that doesn’t make it all any less frustrating, exhausting, and defeating!
I started the first part of that blog post on Tuesday, but here I am, on Friday, stuck on how it should continue, still fighting a physical illness, and quite overwhelmed by the energetic shift of this planet. There are messages coming through in my dreams at a rapid pace, and I – rather unintelligently – do not keep a journal next to my bed that allows me to keep up. These messages aren’t clouded or vague, they’re direct – I can remember the intensity and the clarity but not the messages themselves (other than one I needed to pass to someone else), and I’m beating myself up a little about this. My body, mind, and spirit are just so tired, it’s not holding onto anything at the moment.
Lately, I’ve felt a pull back to reading and working with Doreen Virtue cards. I’m not really sure why. Doreen was central to a lot of my early re-Awakening, especially in late high school and my young adulthood. Her books and cards are rather simplified and surface-level, but they feel warm, and they feel like talking with a friend.
Since 2017ish, Doreen has converted to Evangelical Christianity and denounces everything she has ever made as being from the Devil. Of course, this isn’t true. Her work has Truth within it, but there are, of course, the markings of someone whose Ego got ahead of them sometimes. I think this is inevitable when you become the workhorse of a company like Hay House – and what I am about to say may be a little controversial for some.
I think Hay House treats spirituality like a cult, and it’s big-name authors become the cult’s SUB-leaders.
I do believe that most of the authors who sign with Hay House do so with an intention to be a central voice in spiritually healing the world, but truly get tempted by the money and attention and have a bit of an Ego trip, and either stay on that Ego trip high for forever (Gabrielle Bernstein) – or end up emotionally and spiritually confused and exhausted and find Christianity (another power-figure) as a way to escape their confusion.
I am off social media, but if you look at any online presence of Kyle Gray, another Hay House author, you can see this happening in real-time. Mark my words, Kyle Gray will go Evangelical Christian within the next two years and denounce all of his older writings.
Here’s why this is happening – let me break it down for you:
- 99% of healers in this lifetime experienced a life (or many lives) of persecution, especially under the Christian church (killed, burned, beheaded, silenced for speaking of Spirit) so that fear of the Church Authority and getting it wrong (or ending up dead) is one of the primary life lessons on earth and a big fear factor in their earthly experience, which lies at the foundation of their entire existence.
- These healers end up, in this lifetime, given the biggest platform for their work – Hay House. Their voices are amplified beyond in the Love and Light Industry because Hay House has the money to do that.
This begins the Hay House Healer’s Cycle:
– Awe (the first book/cards gets released): I am so honoured and humbled to be given this platform in this lifetime; finally, I will not be persecuted for sharing the Truth, I hope to change lives – the content released honours the individual’s spirit and intention
– Ego (running workshops and becoming the face of Hay House): For Doreen, she began to party, take drugs, drink with nefarious folks, agreed to becoming a voice on Oprah (dark entity), for Kyle, he went Angry Woke Leftist for a while feeling himself to be an authority on community, posted photos on social media wearing brand-name clothing nonstop, responded to comments with an air of arrogance and pretentiousness
– Exhaustion (putting out a new deck or book every few months, running numerous workshops): the individual becomes a money mule for Hay House, but the content they are putting out is no longer truly authentic to the individual – they are directed to create things that keep people hooked, keep them searching for answers, leave soul searchers at a stalemate, and continue to line the pockets of Hay House – they are not creating spiritually self-empowered individuals, they are contributors to a system that creates dependant consumers who have no autonomy on their spiritual journey (a cult)
– Confusion and Doubt: A sudden realization that you are part of a system that does not Align with Spirit, that works with questionable individuals, and that is structured around a cult-like cycle for users/customers. For Kyle, he went through a weird guru stage, where he dressed as a Hindu Guru and hosted singing bowl sessions, paused releasing books and cards, and started going to speak in churches – now he’s obsessed with just Mary and hosts a Mary prayer circle for Hay House. For Doreen, she started to speak publicly with questionable comments, she stopped being a featured face for Hay House, and she started to go to church and release only Christian-centered content for Hay House. They feel vulnerable, uncertain, fearful – the fear that they came here to challenge. They allow this fear to drive their next steps.
– The System Shift (becoming an Evangelical Christian and denouncing their work – Doreen has already done this, Kyle is on the brink): The underlying fear for all healers in their lifetimes is that a system will control their voice and leave them powerless (or dead) as it did in lifetimes before. They end up joining a system that does exactly that, so they are confused by not only the idea of spirituality that they thought they stood for, but also don’t understand how to navigate their own fear of having – maybe – gotten it all wrong. They, in their fear, go from one cult to another, unable to know their spiritual autonomy within the confusion of it all, feeling safer to rely on another power system. They go from one system to another and become another mouthpiece for an oppressive system.
When healers enter into new lifetimes, they know they will combat being believed, persecution, and fighting darkness to bring Light to the world. When they enter a system that controls how their Truth is distributed to the Collective, they suddenly face intense confusion: Is this the Truth after all? What will happen to me if I don’t follow the direction they’ve given me? Will I lose everything (all the money I’ve made through this system and the worshipping followers – this is compared to losing your life from persecution and causes soul remembrance triggers)? What if I’ve got it all wrong?
So what do they do? They turn to another controlling system (Christianity) that tells them: yes, you’ve got it all wrong, and this is the system that will keep you safe and save you from the death you fear within your spirit.
In the end, their fear (the major thing they came to earth to battle) won: this new system keeps their Universal Spiritual Truths silent, and, in fact, creates them into pawns that challenge, combat, and fearfully dismiss others speaking these Truths.
They had the right intention when they started, entered a system structured on fear and dependence, and ended up being so overwhelmed, lost, and confused that they left it for another system structured on fear and dependence.
These individuals come to this earth desperate to be heard and to belong, and they’re usually the most obedient people as a result. Even though, as healers, they’re meant to question and overthrow the system, their fear keeps them obedient. As money mules for Hay House, they were obedient to that power system and produced what Hay House asked of them and believed it would give them life and freedom of spirit – finally! It didn’t; it just left them exhausted, lost, and confused. These kinds of people will always turn to a new system for answers – for that life and freedom- because obedience out of fear is the lesson they came here to challenge.
This obedience they have come on earth to unlearn can sometimes manifest as OCD or mental insecurity and instability. For this, it’s easier to hook onto something else that has all the answers so that you can feel safest.
I think a lot of people who come here to heal, guide, and challenge systems end up getting swallowed by the systems instead. First by the spiritual industry, then by religion, then by another authority figure entirely. Not because they are evil or fake, but because exhaustion, fear, confusion, and the need to feel safe can make anyone hand their power over to something outside themselves. Especially people whose souls already carry deep memories of persecution, punishment, or being silenced.
And honestly, I think that is part of why so many people feel spiritually disoriented right now.
Old systems are cracking apart, but many people still do not know how to exist without one. True spiritual sovereignty requires discernment, self-trust, and the willingness to sit in uncertainty without immediately searching for another voice to tell you what is true. That is much harder than most people realize.
If you wish to support my work further, have a look at all my books and journals, available here. If you want to work with me as a spiritual healer, check out my services through Seeking Celestial Grace and Awakened Little Souls.
xx C
lifeofcloud 