Embracing Digital Minimalism: My Journey of Reducing Social Media While Managing Social Anxiety

I am currently reading Digital Minimalism by Cal Newport. It has provided significant evidence of the value of staying off of social media, and while I may not be following his regime to the T, I have still managed to stay off of Instagram and Facebook for around five days now. I’ve restricted all access to: viewing something sent to me (usually by my brother or BIL), posting a new blog or information about my business for people to access, or checking a recipe. I have not allowed myself to scroll, to read posts, or to read comments. Further evidence of how detrimental this space is for me was brought to light when I went to check something I was sent, saw a post from a group I follow, and was instantly emotionally and mentally triggered by rage. There is nothing of value in these spaces, and they are intended to rile you up and keep you hooked. The focus on “connection” is an illusion and a lie. As Newport says, even the value you think you find from these spaces exists outside of these spaces – and is not what the applications were created for, anyway. The bad does not outweigh the good.

However, there are aspects of Newport’s book I simply cannot adhere to or implement, and I outright disagree with them. First, he encourages a complete and outright ban of these apps that serve no purpose or great value in your life while replacing them with more meaningful leisurely activities. He believes their existence comes from a lack of meaningful activities. In my case, this isn’t true. I love my hobbies and love to dedicate time to my hobbies (creative journaling, writing, reading). These applications usually make their way into my schedule as a distraction or as something mindless when I’m sitting, winding down at the end of a long day, or watching my child play. True, it pulls me out of the moment, and I feel an immense amount of guilt for scrolling rather than being present, so it’s negative in that sense. But I do not feel as though I have a lack of complete control over these impulses, and neither have an absence of passions, so I didn’t feel compelled to remove them outright.

Second, he believes that messaging applications should also be severely limited and/or downright ignored. This is where most of my qualms about Newport’s method arise.

I live in France, while my family lives in Canada. Messaging – and messaging daily and frequently – are one of the only methods available to me to keep my family consistently updated about the little human living on this side of the planet (my son). In addition, and more importantly, I am an introvert with social anxiety. I text, I don’t call (and hate when you do call, honestly).

Newport believes texting is the fall of communication and that we should return to phone calls and schedule time for phone calls for more meaningful connections. I believe he fails to consider the demographic who prefers solitude to live connection, though he believes the anxiety that comes from connection was manufactured by all these apps, limiting its authenticity. I don’t believe that’s the full picture in cases like mine.

Since I was young, I have never had a problem being alone. In high school, my friends even stopped inviting me out because I used to say no too frequently (according to their liking), not considering that energetically sensitive people sometimes need their downtime to rest and recuperate. It was insensitive then, and it’s callous for Newport to assume that it’s the fault of social media – which did not exist when I was growing up. MSN existed, sure, but it wasn’t in your pocket. Texting cost money at the time to send out, so we still called. This is just a product of my existence and who I am, having nothing to do with the result of technology.

There are aspects of social interaction that make me feel most uncomfortable, and most of them are centered on the feeling of a loss of control. I do not seek to control others, but in all circumstances, I seek to control and protect my energy. This is difficult to do when engaged in unbounded communication, such as a phone call or an in-person interaction. It’s one of the many reasons I stopped my video sessions with clients, simply because it was too difficult to simultaneously tune into them and their energy while also protecting and conserving my own.

Along with being an introvert, I have social anxiety. It is a challenge to navigate crowded spaces. It’s a mission to convince myself to go out most days. And it’s exhausting to participate in face-to-face, video, or phone call communication with others because of the anxiety it causes me. Perhaps therapy could help me get rid of this, but it hasn’t been successful thus far, so I’ve given up most hope and simply accepted it as my fate.

One form of communication is comfortable enough for me to navigate and that’s text. But – as with all things – there is a caveat to this, as well; if I am flooded with messages from one person/in one space, I feel overwhelmed and would rather ignore the communication entirely. It made doing my Master’s degree online quite difficult because I would have a forum packed with comments that I would need to reply to. I can handle messages in small doses, and I must have the ability to reply to them on my time. The only exceptions to this rule seem to be my immediate family and my husband (of course).

I don’t believe that my social anxiety is a bad thing. I don’t think wanting to feel safe and comfortable when it doesn’t hinder anyone else’s existence is a bad thing. I absolutely adore traveling, and I love to adventure with my husband. But, independently or alone with my son, I do have a greater preference for staying put (at home). In addition, I’m rarely the first to make initial communication efforts, not out of intending to be rude, but just because I’m an Aquarius living in my head (where it’s familiar and secure). Two hundred years ago, I would have been a solitary witch (I probably was). Two hundred years before that, I probably would have chosen to dedicate myself to learning as a monk (I probably did).

While humans are social creatures, I don’t believe it’s a do-or-die situation, and I don’t think I’m headed down a path of self-destruction for choosing to exist in my own bubble. I am not forcing anyone else to adapt or live in this bubble with me; people are free to exist, socialize, and experience life as they wish (my husband and son included). I do push myself to go out at least once a day with my son, only to combat my social anxiety for his life experience, and should he tell me, quite literally, “Mommy, go out,” I will (9 times out of ten) say, absolutely. But I still would like to avoid those phone calls.

Thus, Newport’s approach to Digital Minimalism requires some revising on my part. I need to mention that I haven’t made it through the entire text yet, so I am likely to have more issues as I continue. Despite this, I am finding it to be a really valuable resource and it’s definitely a read that I recommend to anyone trying to combat a technology addiction (or dependency verging on addiction).

xx C