Consumed

It’s amazing, this love.
On the International Day of Happiness, I certainly have a lot to be happy about…

The connection I have with Jordan continues to amaze me. The conversations we fall into about our feelings for one another never cease to touch my heart. We often wonder: do other people have this connection like us? Will it fade as time progresses? Or will it continue to become more powerful as it has shown itself to do over each month?

Sometimes I see videos on the internet of old couples who are so dedicated to their partner and they still have a light in their eyes when they talk to someone about their lover, and still show such pride and appreciation for the person in their lives. I am sure this will be us. Without a doubt, I know it will be. The connection is too real, was too instantaneous, and to authentic and honest to be anything other than this over-powering experience of pure bliss.

It is honestly difficult for me to remember a life before Jordan was in it. I don’t know that girl anymore. I have no recollection of living a life without him. He has consumed me with his endless love, his unwavering support, his pride in me, the laughs he brings to my life, and the excitement he floods me with when it comes to thinking about my future with him.

And one would think the long distance would be hard – and yes, some days when I could just use his arms wrapped around me, they are hard – but it’s just so simple, so natural. No thoughts sway from him. No others catch my eye. No sense of distance exists. No lack of trust, jealousy, or insecurity even touches my heart. I believe in us fully and completely and our constant communication, video chats, and moments of word-affections fill me in the time we are apart. It is like he is constantly with me; I carry him in my heart. It sounds so corny but it is so true!

And yet, simultaneously there is an emptiness we both feel when we are not together. There is a sense of strength knowing we have each other and love each other and the intensity of our love can overcome the distance, but at the same time there is an incomplete feeling that is completely cured when we are together. And we don’t have to be doing anything! The moments I value the most are those minutes after waking up, sharing a coffee, sharing morning affection, and making small talk. Or the moments before bed where we have our arms wrapped around one another and are shaking from laughter, diving into the most intellectually stimulating and passionate conversation, and then just slow down, quiet down, and fall asleep with our heads resting against one another. It is pure magic. It is so comfortable, natural, authentic… it is like we were created to be beside one another.

He tells me he always dreamed he would have a “wife” like me but I tell him I didn’t believe anyone like him existed. I could see myself alone forever and I was okay with that. I was done settling for mediocrity, I was finished with being in unhappy relationships with people got on my nerves more than they made me laugh, where drama was rampant and tensions were always high. All connections I have made had a negative, had something that stood in the way, felt incomplete. I saw romantic comedies and read romantic novels but didn’t believe that could be real life, until life brought me Jordan.

He says I have transformed him more in the past four months than anyone could ever achieve in the last four years. The things he tells me, the way he talks about me to others, I have never had a man show this much appreciation, respect, and adoration for my existence in their life. He consistently makes me feel valued. He continuously tells me how proud he is of me. He always makes me feel wanted and important to him. It is such a beautiful, confidence-boosting, happy feeling to be this loved and respected by a person you adore. I feel so lucky to know he feels this way about me. I feel so blessed to be loved by him.

And now, after another week together, we will have more time apart as we figure the next steps. Plans have changed. Career directions for the both of us have as well. It’s just a matter of powering through the next month (or two, or three) until we begin to build that home together. And I cannot wait to see where life takes us!

I always said my heart was in Paris. I didn’t realize how precise this statement could be! The Universe has a funny way of doing things… I am so grateful.

xo
C