Changes, And Changing is Never so Simple

Hey there,

Apologies for the silence on here. Getting back into the groove of things at work kept me busy, and then reading kept me busy, and then writing poetry kept me busy. Blogging took a back seat.

A lot has happened since I last wrote in this blog. I think, looking back on my second last post, it was filled with a lot of longing and a lot of unhappiness with my own life. It was a clear reflection as to the changes that were on the way.

The biggest change that has happened in my life: I ended my relationship with my partner of four years. I won’t go into details out of respect for him and because the road to this decision was a long and winding one, and I don’t have the time or energy or desire to divulge it all here. Despite this, know that it wasn’t an easy decision. He was, truly, my best friend. We had everything in common with one another. We spent most of our youth saying we were male and female versions of one another. But alas, that isn’t enough to build a life upon. Not when there is are so many other cracks that need to be filled and aren’t.  So I had to say goodbye. I had to say goodbye for both me and for him.

And with that big change comes a lot of internal changes. He told me in a letter that I was an electric powerhouse when he met me, and I’m becoming that firey, spunky, and lively woman again. I’m learning to truly love myself again. I never gave myself enough time to be alone before jumping into another relationship to soothe the pain from those prior, and I promised myself a year this time to really get to know and love myself. I’m already treating myself to everything I need to be happy again. I wasn’t happy as a piece of a pair, I lost myself, and finding myself again has been such a joy.

Has it been weird? Yes. Has it been difficult? Absolutely. But no change is ever simple. No great change for the better ever had a smooth path. Change takes work. Change takes heartbreak. Change hurts. Change takes disappointing everyone else and putting you first. But change is important, because your personal happiness is the most important thing in the world. Don’t. Ever. Settle.

In other news, I’ve also been selected to be a rep for Frostbeard candles. They’re a bookish candle company who has scents related to books or book shops or libraries, etc. I’ll be receiving three candles every month for four months (including a monthly exclusive which I will only be able to post after Frostbeard has shared the release!). I’ll also be getting a special rep code that will get you a percentage off your own purchase. As soon as I get that, I’ll share that here. I’m so thrilled, so excited, and I feel so lucky!

Unrelated to emotion:
I have cut coffee out of my routine. If you know me at all, you know how hard this is because I LOVE coffee. I love the taste, I love the smell, I love the feel of it. I absolutely adore coffee. But I’ve switched to herbal teas: some with ginseng, some with “calming effects”, some with “invigorating effects”. I find I don’t have an afternoon crash anymore. I also have far more energy in the morning, I am going to bed later (and not tired…) and despite getting less hours of sleep, I feel more rested. It doesn’t make much sense, but it feels great. Also, coffee tends to have a horrid effect of making my heart race and not giving me energy; there is nothing pleasant about that.

OH! I got a typewriter (as you can see in the featured image). It’s so beautiful. I named it Hemingway (of course). It was my mother’s and I found it in my parents’ basement on the weekend. I just ordered new ink so I’m excited to truly bring it to life.

Well, that’s the gist of what’s new. And I really think it’s nothing but great things from here on — because I won’t settle for anything less than spectacular anymore. Me first. Me always. It’s time to be selfish.

xo
C

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