So this is a blog topic. Yet again. I apologize! It just seems to be an ongoing issue for me, and so I feel the need to speak to it.
Waking early isn’t difficult anymore. When my alarm goes off, yes, my first thought is, “I want to die.” But it only takes a few moments for my body to kick into rise-and-shine gear and recognize that it’s time to get up. The problem is not with the getting up, anymore.
And I’m absolutely at my most efficient and most eager to work and create and read when I’m up in the morning. That’s not a problem either.
The problem, now, is in the evenings. By 7pm, I’m pretty much dead. And if I sit on a comfy chair or the couch to read, my body starts to shut down. “Just closing my eyes for ten minutes…” I tell J. “Yeah, right…” he replies. And then two hours later, I’m woken up with a startle and I stomp my way up to bed.
What?! Why!? Why does this happen!? I’m going to be 29 years YOUNG in February, and yet my body is sure I’m about 80. Actually, I take that back; even my nonna, at 88 years old, would stay up till 10pm watching her shows. I remember even falling asleep on THAT couch as she sat, eyes wide, making commentary along with the show. What’s wrong with me?!
Someone reading might suggest seeing a doctor, but I had blood work done just last week and all is normal in that department. And some people might say, “Well, you get up at 5am,” but I’m not the only human in the world to do that, and I know many who have the ability to keep truckin’ till at least 10pm.
I started doing this because I recognize I was way more efficient in the mornings than in the evenings, but now I’m not even functioning in the evenings. I’m torn! I’m torn by the benefits of my rising, and the cons of my early sleeping. I started doing this so I wouldn’t feel like I was wasting the day, but now I’m wasting the night! Not to mention, night is the only time in the day that I get to spend time with J.
But now I know I won’t be able to sleep in. And I don’t want to, either. I can’t give these mornings up. They’re too valuable to me, I’ve become too accustomed to them, to taking my time, to taking it slow, to making more time for myself and my interests. But those nights are no less valuable.
At first I wondered if the time change this weekend would make things better but then I remembered that it only means that it will get darker earlier. Poo-ey. That’s not a solution to this problem at all.
I remember when we were in Paris, it was light until 11pm. I wonder if that later sunset continues into Autumn, too – at least until 9pm, perhaps! (I just Googled it – Sunset starts at 5:28pm – no dice.)
Now, with NaNoRimo month upon us, I’d like to dedicate even more time to writing my novel and my script (which I haven’t touched in a while because I’m trying to emotionally distance myself from the work before I start developing it, again). While my mornings are truly a creative time, I’ve got them packed full of blog writing, story reading, slow preparing for the day. Evenings would be ideal for writing, but I’m dead then. Oh GOD! My problems have taken a full circle! This is exhausting! Any suggestions, dear reader? And don’t say coffee because yesterday I tried that and fell asleep an hour later!
In other news, I stopped reading Melody’s Key because it was horrendously written. I started The Forgetting by Sharon Cameron and it’s totally blowing my mind. I’m ten chapters in, but I’m already planning more book purchases because that’s what I do… I want the second book of the Red Queen series and I want to start the Crooked Kingdom series. But I also have Fingersmith (by Sarah Waters) to read, and I heard it’s amazing, as well as The Blackthorn Key which I tried to start but didn’t get into. I’ll try that again soon enough. It’s at the bottom of my TBR pile.
That’s enough verbosity for one day.