There is something that I have become familiar with when it comes to adult relationships – in particular, because I am a healer, and I draw people towards me who need healing. I have been reflecting on this with both my husband and an acquaintance who shared the same experience with me.
All too often, I am pulling individuals into my auric sphere who pretend to value – or even overvalue – the bond and relationship they have formed with me. This usually comes in the form of hyperfixation with communication with me, seeking out my advice, working overtime to form meaningful connections with me — only to benefit their own kickstart of their personal growth or spiritual growth. And then they leave me in the dust.
More often than not, they do this with any care, regard, or courtesy to inform me that they are disconnecting from the relationship, maybe because they feel an immense amount of guilt for using me (doubt it), but more often than not because they wish me to chase after them in order that they may also feel as important to me as I clearly was to them.
But the problem with this tactic is that, number one, I have a family, and I don’t chase after people outside of my family. And number two, I am 35 and have no time for games or dramatics at this stage of my life. I never chased after friends through my youth, and it certainly won’t happen now (I know two examples in particular, one from elementary school and one from high school, where these friends didn’t get what they wanted from me, didn’t get my chase, and then came back to me on hands and knees — at which point, I’ve lost interest in the fleeting friendship).
This tends to happen after people have taken what they need from me; usually following a period of love bombing and emphasizing to me how much my friendship means to them, how glad they are to have connected with me, and how different the friendship or connection is from anything they felt before.
This is not an exaggeration; they truly all follow this pattern (perhaps in an attempt to make me vulnerable with them). But with me, this is a familiar pattern so there is always a wall, and when their ego is hit with this realization, the switch to complete disregard and allowing the friendship to disintegrate always happens. Always.
It is sad to say that I am used to it and completely unfazed by it by now, but as a healer, it is what it is, and this is my reality. For that reason, I try not to form new deep friendships in my adulthood because they are all the same. And it is why, with gratitude, I have moved to a new location, and I am not actively seeking out friendships or companionships here.
It is an exhausting routine to be a part of, and while it is the job of a healer to attract these people, heal them, and release them, it is not something I think is fair and energetically want to be a part of anymore. It’s also funny that it happens to come from many people who claim to be on a spiritual path as well, but they are often no different than the rest – and usually quite worse because they think it is their right to use this energy for their own Ascension. I don’t expect anything from anyone, and I also will never chase after anyone who doesn’t make an effort to vocalize their need for boundaries or distance, but this is also a reminder to myself to stay disconnected, keep my distance, and be wary of individuals who seem to swoop in at opportune times, take what they need, and swoop right out.
I suppose when I no longer feed their ego need, that is when they feel they can dispose of me, and this post is a reminder to myself that I am worth more than a temporary fix in someone’s ego and I, as a healer, am worth far more than love bombing connections that fade Into complete nothingness once I have been used. I am not a tool, and I don’t deserve to be treated like one. And I will certainly not partake in games to feed people who work like this.
Please note that this post is not a call for sympathy; it is merely a space of reflection and a reminder to those of you who may do this to your healer friends to be aware of your selfish emotional actions. Of course, I am happy to have contributed to the growth of others even if it is at my expense – but at the same time, that is not a fair energetic exchange and will lead to many karmic regressions for the individuals who play these games and do this to me…
So, in the end, them latching on to me and leeching what they spiritually require from me to advance in their own lives will actually not benefit them at all. And may in fact set them backwards!
xx C
lifeofcloud 