Social Media Encourages Covert Cheating – A Commentary

Alright, here we go — I’m going to get a little controversial here. This might trigger a few people, but if it does, take a moment to pause, breathe, and reflect on why it made you so angry before you expose your own “cheating” in a frustrated comment.

I believe relationships in this day and age are not surviving, or are not built upon foundations that allow survival, because of a covert kind of cheating that is happening in these spaces; the need to post images for external validation. I call this “soft cheating”. Other things I’d consider soft cheating are:
– Frequent emotional conversations or texts with someone you find attractive or who is attracted to you
– Flirty texts with people of the gender you’re attracted to just to appear “sweet” or “fun”
– Shmoozing and getting people to buy you drinks/food when you’re out with friends
– etc.

I believe that posting “thirst trap” content (whether you are male or female) is (soft) cheating (which is still cheating). Full stop.

Maybe it’s because my generation grew up on hearing their high school crushes singing, “Stacey’s mom has got it going on!” that they internalized that insecurity and now have to prove they’re hot since they’re old; I don’t know. But something has pushed them down a path (and all the younger generations followed) of “sexy photos and videos for likes and comments” — when they’re supposed to be in committed relationships.

Listen, I’ve done it too. But guess when I did it? When I was dating someone I didn’t respect and when I still wanted to put out my feelers for how much other attention I could get. And you can tell me that you, “do it for yourself” or “have mostly (opposite gender you’re attracted to) followers,” but that’s a load of dung. Even if you’re doing it for attention from a gender you’re not attracted to, it’s still seeking sexual-focused attention outside of your relationship.

And the weird thing is that it’s become acceptable. It’s become acceptable in the name of “feminism” — as if posting half-naked photos of yourself is really smashing the patriarchy and not just feeding the plates of the dudes you hate.

But I believe that if you’re in a fully committed relationship with someone, you won’t go seeking external validation on your Divine Sexual Self outside of your partner. It won’t be needed, because they will fill that cup. And it won’t be needed because you respect them with all your being. And that it wouldn’t matter if they “don’t care” (like my husband, who doesn’t use social media); it’s still not something you will feed because it actually opens up doors to infidelity. Is your relationship so unimportant to you that it’s worth that risk? The best is when people post the creepy DMs that follow their sexy pictures… insert extra-huge eye roll emoji, here (like you didn’t see that coming).

My husband says he doesn’t care what I post online. But I do. Because I respect and honour my marriage and my commitment to this person, and seeking approval, validation, and sexual appeal/feeding the (primarily male) gaze outside of this commitment would be cheating, to me.

My husband tells me every single day how beautiful he thinks I am and how much he desires me. Why would I need to feed the desire of anyone outside of my partnership? How would that benefit me? How would that benefit the commitment?

And if the excuse you are using is: Well, I’m an influencer. Yeah — the world knows sex sells. But if that’s all you have to offer the digital world, then you’re basically prostituting. And sex work is valid work, but your partner should be aware that you’re partaking in sex work to gain traction and make an Influencer living.

Again, this is going to be controversial. And it’s going to ruffle feathers. And that’s fine. But I think thirst trap content is the most widely “acceptable” form of soft cheating, and I think it adds more strain to the foundation of relationships than people are willing to admit. I think more people should do a deep dive into where this need for external desire is learned (and unlearn it). I think more people should look at why the “next step” has been avoided in a relationship, as perhaps there is insecurity that your partner is not vocalizing, and that insecurity is hiding on your social media page.

xx C